现在对自己又有了进一步的了解。也能够很深刻的体会物极必反这个词。用来形容我就是懒到极点就开始奋起，奋起到了极点又恢复慵懒的状态。原来，我比任何人都要懒，寒假里只要待在家里已经懒的起床，一天都躺床上，我也真佩服自己，绝对是懒中之极品啊，如果没有约束没有压力，我就为所欲为，吃东西吃到胃疼，睡懒觉睡到头疼，玩电脑玩到眼花，这就是我，一个非常非常真实的我。不过我也说了物极必反嘛，昨天已经和某猪讨论过了，懒惰和勤奋仅一步之遥，一念之间，所以我拼命吸取知识，拼命思考，拼命寻找思维的突破口，拼到耗尽自己的精力，拼到恨不得下一秒就坠入懒惰的深渊，我就是这么歇斯底里，走极端的家伙，不给自己和别人留下任何余地，认为不好的就是劣质的，对于一些人，因为自己苛刻的高要求，很遗憾，没有把握机会，错过了就错过了呗，我一向是个向前看的人，路是我选择的，再崎岖都得走，没有回头路！可是最近我怎么都在想这事啊，一想便如滔滔江水连绵不绝，汹涌的潮水让我没有办法乘风破浪继续前行，发春了大概。

     还有我还是困惑，该怎么生活得有意义，举个例子，一个聪明的人，一个只有一些小聪明就是智商中等的人，还有一个笨笨的人，首先要说的是大家都是有进取心的，大家也都很勤奋，聪明的人基本上每天都是两耳不闻窗外事，一心只读圣贤书，也没什么朋友；小聪明的人和我比较像，有时很勤奋有时很慵懒，会上QQ聊天，但是还是尽可能让自己生活充实充实再充实；笨笨的人平时就看看闲书，也是在学习。那么，这三个人算不算都活得有意义了呢？我想知道用什么标尺才可以衡量一个人生活的意义。怎么我就永远不明白呢？

     对于讨厌开学的人，我始终觉得是被动的人，其中也包括我，他们不习惯接受新的事物新的环境，希望维持现状一成不变，站在其他角度去想，他们反而应该感谢开学，被迫着改变，被迫着前进也算是人生的一种态度。接下去的一切新的精彩和新的失望因为开学而上演，什么味道都尝下也挺好！加足油，准备上路~~

i have just finished this movie. i am totally impressed by all the elenments created by the director Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. it's a story about revenge. Todd, starred by Depp was once a skillfull barber with his beautiful wife and newly-born kid. however, misery followed the perfect life. Todd was wrongly charged of up to 15 years of imprisonment in respect that the judge couldn't help falling in love with his wife. 15 years later, Todd went back to his home only to be told his wife poisoned to death and his daugher taken by the judge. his swearing to take revenge on his family made him go mad, killing numerous innocent people. in the end, he killed his own wife who actually wasn't dead after being poisoned by herself to keep her virtue. then he threw Mrs. Lovett, his partner as well as the one who love him too much that she hid the true of his wife still being alive, into cremator. finally, he got killed by a little boy the way he killed others with his silver glistening razor. it's definitely a tragedy.but i was deeply attracted. the sound, the settings of cold color and the exaggerated make-up of characters, both of which are the style of Tim Burton's movies like corpse bride and charlie and chocolate factory to depict a kind of depression or sullen atmosphere. the applied colors are just "Tim Burtonized". combined with filming skill and color application, the story takes a deeper insight into human nature, from which, we see through the warmth of human being. so does shadows hiden inside of human hearts. 

after a day of heavy snowfall, we ultimately embrace warm sunshine in the day from the morning. the gorgeous weather makes me want an outgoing. but i was a little disappointed coz my good friend doudou was unable to accompany me for some accident. all at once, her grandmother couldn't move her body any more so dou sent her to hospital together with her father and auntie. you know what, when she called me saying how she felt sorry to leave me alone, i have got on the bus to meet her where we appointed beforehand. for all  i have shown my understanding, i still wish she could have come out. what a shame. anyway, hope her grandma will soon recover from illness.

these days i have been thinking of one thing about myself. am i a kind of person who prefer living alone? if it is,  what does it come of? first let me analysize the first question. to be honest, i like to be alone for several reasons. first of all, i can absorb more interesting and meaningful knowledge without distraction in the form of people around me. besides, i don't feel at ease among the crowd, especially people i am familiar with. the third reason in my perspective is that i am not too much of talk. i haven't as many things to say as others do. however, i can endure the whole day of no talk. once emotionally started, my talk will last for a long period of time. to sum up, if i am anxious to say, i can say a lot. on the contrary, only little. most of time, i would rather do things without saying single word. i am afraid human beings are social animals. they are naturally connected. so do i. that's to say, i'd like to talk but not so often. here comes to the second question. for the life i've gone through, some things including personality, experience, outlook, are changing. i realize i have to renew my knowledge improve my ability to catch up with the peer. the way that can make it is to learn from time to time. therefore that's what i am doing. some conversation, in my view, is just crap, meaningless. i need talk which is kinda heart to heart communication. not some cliches. gradually, i become less talker and like pragmaticism. 

at the very moment, i was so moody that i was unable to read anything, nor even think of some ideas. what's wrong with me!!! through observation, i sum up the frequency on my worse situation. it happpens about twice a week. under such condition, i feel uncomfortable, pessimistic, what's worse, losing the ability to read and think. i am afraid there is some kind of material in my mind stoping me from normal mindaactivity. what if it's a tumor and a virulent one. to be honest, i just can't endure such suffering. feel like i am separated from people around me and from the whole world. i have brain disease for sure i guess. god save me. plese!!!

sometimes i am emotional like a bird fly free up and down the sky. but change come in no time. all of a sudden, i turn sullen, withdrawn. dont want to talk to anyone. don't do what to do and how to do it. i am totally at a loss. it seems mylife has come to an end. although it is just the way i think, you can see how anguished i am. the bad feeling gives rise to negative attitude toward life. were it not for the fact that other parts of my brain still work, i would soon go to the hell. maybe i should go to see doctor to do some scan on my brain. when people chat with me under such situation, what i can only do is to keep smiling. i am reluctant to abosorb the piece of conversation. i want to behave normal but i can't. hence i have to fake a smile. it sucks. i hate it. but i hate more that nothings can be changed.

VAP,yes a very abnormal person.

yesterday, i heard from college on  my examination scores. about half an hour before, one of my roommate sent me a message talking about her performance on the exam. obviously, she has received letters. at that moment, i was concerned about whether i have passed all the items. when i open the letter, seeing all the scores, i come to feel relieved. except for the low score of management which is below 70, i have basically done a good job. but just as other students conclude, generally junior college students can get high grades compared with that of last two years. anyway, i don't need to worry about it any more during the New Year's Festival. hope my classmates are satisfied with their grades. okay, that's all for today's record.